World Events, the Autism Community & Mental Health

Hey guys, I know it’s been a hot minute since my last blog. If I am being honest, this month was tough from a parenting standpoint and just for me as a person. We are okay, just been slammed with busy days and a lot of sass.

There has been some heavy stuff going on in the world as well as in the Autism community. I’ve been wanting to talk about certain things but at the same time don’t like stepping on toes. Let’s be honest, not everyone has the same feelings and that’s good. What would the world be if we did?

Anyway, I know some will disagree because these are heated topics right now. I am the least confrontational person on the planet so just hear me out, or not; you can always agree to disagree and come back for the lighthearted blogs. I will be bringing up some heavy topics but will try to discuss them on “generally speaking” terms.    

Alejandro Ripley

Alejandro Ripley was the little boy who was murdered by his own “mother.” He was nine years old, nonverbal and on the Autism Spectrum. His mom pushed him into a body of water once, but he was saved. She did it again and unfortunately, no one was around to save him. Reports say that she did it so he would be in a better place. <- paraphrase of her statement.  

This story lit a fire around the world and in the Autism community. How can a mother do that to her child? It is so heartbreaking, infuriating, and unimaginable. Then the comment section lit up.

“If you ever feel incapable of parenting, reach out for help.”

“Give him to someone else!”

“Take your baby to a safe haven!”

“I would have taken him!”

You get the picture. It’s shouting from the roof tops that harming a loved one because of their special needs is NOT THE ANSWER! Seeking help before allowing yourself to get to that point is the right thing to do! Even if that help is surrendering your parental rights for the safety of your child.

That beautiful soul did not deserve to perish because his mom was cruel and/or possibly mentally ill.

Huxley

Huxley is the little boy who was adopted by a youtuber, influencer, whatever you want to call it, a few years back and was recently “rehomed” after his Autism diagnosis. As one could imagine, this coming about a week after the drowning of Alejandro hit the Autism community hard.

I don’t follow this family, know their story or care to sympathize with their situation. Why? Because from my understanding, they adopted him knowing he had special needs, just no set diagnosis(s). The fact that they went through the process knowing there was special circumstances and then changed their mind is what got me upset.

If I am being honest, no parent knows what type of care their child will need. That’s just facts. He should not have been viewed as disposable when his needs and reality didn’t fit their influencer lifestyle. What also got people heated was that she monetized off his story. That’s just wrong.

Now here is my conflict that some may not agree with.   

Do I agree that sending little Huxley to a new home was the next step after a diagnosis? No. They have the funds to get him services, and one would think go above and beyond to help him learn the tools and skills he needs to live a happy life.

However, I do not know their Autism story. You know that quote that floats around “When you have met one person with Autism, you met one person with Autism.” Same can be said for Autism family dynamics.

Our family dynamic and Autism experience will not be the same for other families. Therefore, I try not to judge. This is me generally speaking now.  

Autism can be hard. It is not always the photographic memory abilities, high IQ’s, and big smiles.

Very few talk about how hard it can be on days with self-injurious behavior, unintentional behavior that harms the caregiver and so on. I have seen parents get bashed online for saying it’s hard. I for one am all about sharing the highlights and pure joy our loved ones reach and experience. I am also one who thinks speaking reality and having grace to admit to hard times is just as important.

Slamming a parent who expresses their feelings of hard times will only hinder their mental health and send them into hiding. Balling in emotions until one day they snap, possibly harming themself or child.

It’s okay to reach out for help! It’s okay to say you are having a hard time and need extensive services, whatever that may be.

We as parents need to understand that sometimes a child in crisis NEEDS services that a parent may not be able to provide. I acknowledge and understand that this is very much some family’s reality.

That is why I am conflicted with this story.

I don’t think anyone should go into adopting a special needs child if they aren’t 100% prepared to be in their life for the long haul! However, I respect the fact that this family realized they could not care for him like he deserved and instead of harming him, like Alejandro’s “mom,” they found another home for him.

Crappy? Yes. Responsible for Huxley’s overall care? I would say yes.

Would it have been beneficial for him to be in a home where the parents felt a disconnect? Kids pick up on that and that causes a new set of emotional trauma.

Real talk: not everyone is fit to be parents.

All those comments saying, “How could she!?” were the same comments saying, “Give your kid another home if you feel incapable!”

Let’s not be hypocrites.

Instead, lets advocate for our special needs community. Let’s show the world that hey, yea it’s hard some days but our loved ones are amazing. Our loved ones DESERVE SERVICES! Our loved ones NEED SERVICES AS ADULTS! Our special needs parents NEED RESOURCES.

All these services will benefit our loved ones with special needs, give them tools to thrive and help with those hard days. Heck, maybe the hard days will even diminish a significant amount if we all had services.

Let’s get services available for the family members too. It can feel isolating, sad, even depressing if you are in a fight for services alone or have nowhere or one to turn to when you are in the thick of it.

Mental health is so important! We cannot provide great care if we are in shambles on the inside! Parenting while battling your own mental health crisis can be unbearable. That is why you see tragic deaths. I admit, some of those people are just evil. However, some of those caregivers who do unthinkable things may have had unaddressed mental health issues and didn’t know where to turn for help.

RACIAL DIVIDE

I will speak very briefly on this topic. I am a minority who has been discriminated against, my children judged as we walked into restaurants and parks. AJ glared at for being brown and running around in a setting that may not have been appropriate. I do not know what it is like being African American, but I do know the tiniest hint of uneasiness that comes with being discriminated against. Whatever discrimination I have dealt with living in southern Georgia is probably unmeasurable compared to my friends of color.

Why bring this up? How does it relate?  

I do not know firsthand what others experience. However, with world events and events in the Autism community, I think it’s important that we advocate for our friends of color. Autism can be lonely. Being a minority family with a special needs child can be lonely. Being a minority family of color with a special needs child can be scary.

One day AJ will possibly have an encounter with an enforcement entity. Will they give him a chance to speak? What if he still can’t speak? What if he doesn’t understand what they are saying and him not moving is taken as a threat? What if they see his meltdown as a grown man, most likely well over two hundred pounds, as a drug induced episode and use unnecessary force? Now add all those things together and make his skin black. You get the picture.

My friends with children of color who not only face the struggles that come with special needs, but the struggles of discrimination and racial profiling, I am with you. I will advocate for your loved one’s acceptance in this world.

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If you stuck around this long regardless if you agree or disagree, I thank you. I know these are heated topics. I just needed to get it off my chest. I love each and every one of my friends and hope that families who share their stories can bring awareness and acceptance for the special needs community. Let’s break the stigma. Let’s spread love, accept one another, and fight for the resources our loved ones deserve so no heartbreaking incidents like the ones discussed above happen again.

❤ Until next blog ❤

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